Living in the now
Today has presented several lessons about living in the now. I am really pulling out of my memory banks a saying something like “you can worry about tomorrow, agonize over yesterday but the only thing that gives you peace is living in today”.
I woke up before sunrise this morning and saw a friend was on a social media chat. Hmm, pretty early so I sent a message asking her “What’s up?” She replied “I am having twins”
WHAT? GREAT!! CONGRATS!!!
Her responses were not filled with glee.
I can’t. I am worried. Everything is going to double, my body, my expenses.
You need to celebrate.
Everyone is a little scared about having a child.
I am scared to death. I am impatient. I cannot cook. I need a lot of alone time. I am going to look like a giant. I will never be beautiful again.
Oh, honey you will be more beautiful than ever.
The sun was glorious, peeping its golden head over the horizon. It was to be a fantastic day. My young friend could not see it. She was caught in the unknown of tomorrow.
A little time later I participated in Amy’s Dance group. Tuesdays are choreographing days and we are learning to put together moves into a group dance. Amy proposed that we each choose a dance move that represents something between our past before Parkinsons and our future. Steve’s move was the ASL sign for “now, or present”. You have to know Steve, he is a genius with words, has a pun for everything. His choice was so meaningful, so perfect. It represented where I want to be…in the now.
In the afternoon, I decided to rewatch the Davis Phinney Victory Summit from Baton Rouge. There was Amy again, not dancing but speaking on “Living Well with Parkinson’s”. She recalled her shock with her diagnosis. And now, it is a reality of life. She commented “If I think about the past, I want to remember things like when I took my son skiing. I have no control over the future. I could walk out into the street and get hit by a Fed Ex truck. Life is right now.”
The majority of my life I hid my worry in planning. I wanted to be considered a well-planned and highly organized person. It was a cover-up of sorts. Because of always having to plan, I had a really hard time “shooting from the hip.” It took a lot of energy to worry about my plans. So at this late stage in life, I am just learning spontaneity. I am learning to take each day as it comes to me. I like to think I am learning to dance.
Can you recall a day when you didn’t have anything planned? You just let it happen…what did you do?